Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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