Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
