Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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