im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize