you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
