you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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