I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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