So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
