I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
