eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
