Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
