just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
