Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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