I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
