My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
