we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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