you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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