Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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