he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
