Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
