I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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