im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
