If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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