my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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