I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
