I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
