i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
