the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
being pregnant is like rehab
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
