The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
