did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
