I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
