have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
