Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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