We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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