You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
