Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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