I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
