She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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