No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
