paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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