i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
