i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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