She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize