this just has baby written all over it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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