yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
