Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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