Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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