I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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