Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
