So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize