If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
