I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
