I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize