i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
