She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
