I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
