i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
