don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
