I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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