youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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