Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
