There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
