do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
