I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
