went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
