im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
