May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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