I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
