this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
