I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
