Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
