Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
