Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize