peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
