come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
