It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
