you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
