Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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