i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
