I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
