Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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