Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
