I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
