She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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