im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize