Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
