Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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