I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
