she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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