Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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