I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
