You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
