Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
