my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
