Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
