Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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