i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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