his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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