so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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