can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
