Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
